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With summer in your face it's gonna get hot. At least that was what I was thinking three years ago when I came up with this idea. At that time I was shooting for a one year delay in the 10 year anniversary of Skate and Annoy, the zine that sired this fine electronic publication. Well now it's only three years late, but it's quantity that matters, not quality , or whatever. Wine tasting, I think not. Instead, take 20 or so people and 13 different varieties of freezer pops, not 13 different flavors, but 13 separate brands. Nothing says "summer" like freezer pops by the pool, even if the pool is plastic and filled from a garden hose. To make things scientific, we did a double blind study with two control groups, or maybe we just had people goofing off outside with a bunch of beer and an overflowing freezer. Before we get to the results I'd like to qualify a few things. I collected more survey results than there were participants. I don't recall Huggie Bear, Roscoe P. Coltrane, or my friend Ken Wong from Singapore being there. Perhaps the beer had something to do with it. Since the integrity of the study may have been compromised, I've prepared a thorough and professional evaluation that also includes a few late entries. 
The Champions: Flavor Ice and Pop Ice are the ones that I remembered from my youth, and they were also the easiest to find, as well as Mr Freeze. Speaking of Chillin' like Bob Dylan, the times they are a changin'. In order to combat limited attention spans, marketing wizards have figured out that we all need variety. Thanks to that brainstorm we have thinly veiled greed masquerading as choice, as well as new "Tropical" Pop Ice, "Tropical" Mr Freeze, and "Tropical" Flavor Ice that really put the $ in con$umer. These were considered as separate entries while merchandising tie ins like "Batman" flavored Mr Freeze (a little long on the shelf) were not, even though they had cool new names like "Robin Red" and "Bat Cave Purple" or something equally as imaginative. To further arouse the Ralph Nader in me, I was dismayed to learn that Flavor Ice and Pop Ice are manufactured by the same evil corporate giant, Jel Sert. Why do I assume that Jel Sert is an evil empire? How about sucking up to yuppies with Flavor Ice brand Smooth & Creamy "Freeze-at -Home" sorbet bars. All the glamour and expense of sorbet in the crappy taste of a plastic sleeve. How European. Never mind that the ingredients are virtually the same. The Contenders: Because anything less than 100% market share is unacceptable, Otter Pops. Brought to you by Darth Vader and the good folks at Jel Sert, but hold your judgement. The rest are lessor known or just plain sketchy. Ice Bandits from Leaf, the candy and gum people. Frootee Ice, manufactured with pride by Pack 'Em Enterprises, I kid you not. California Snow (hmmmn...) by Cosmos International and Papi Ice and Gator Pops by Sun Ice USA. As we went to press, (thanks again to the benefits of procrastination) I encountered another illegitemate Jel Sert offspring, Flavor Ice Icebergs. The Analysis: After being intraveinously fed the equivalent of a case of assorted freezer pops every six hours, an astonishing 90% of the test rats were diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and were subsequently made to repeat the third grade. Some of them take also the short bus. I'll go over the group's medications first, and then the control group. Ratings are on a scale of 10.
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