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By now the corners of our lips are raw from plastic cuts...
Gator Pops / Papi Pops / Unlike those east coast and midwest companies, these brands are both made by the Sun Ice company out of California (likes to party). Leave it to the weirdos in California to come up with the bizarre packaging. It looks like two clear plastic CO2 cartridges attached end to end. That, or some kind of marital aid. The idea is that you can cut it half for two (very small) servings. Freeze 'em. Snap 'em. Eat 'em. You're supposed to be able snap it two, but it doesn't work. They actually taste pretty good, but the thick plastic canisters with the pinched necks makes it a struggle to enjoy them. As an added value, Papi pops are bilingual. Buenas Helados. I swear the Papi Pops guy is a leftover from some banana republic's bid for the olympics. Is Sun Ice pro-American or pro-hippie? Taste: 7 Entertainment Value: 6 (Initially, but then the annoyance factor lowers it to a 4)
California Snow No, these pops aren't made of white powder, but the copy writers must have been on something if they thought that people would take their advice to heart and "chill in the refrigerator for a refreshing cool drink." They also want you to store them under a pile of frost, if you believe the diagram in the "direction" as they call it. Distributed by Cosmos International in the City of Industry, California. Is this a joke? Packaged like Gator Pops.
Taste: 6
Pedialyte Freezer Pops In the eternal battle to strive for efficiency while maximizing profits, Jel Sert and Flavor Ice have dreamed up Pedialyte Freezer Pops. The makers of Similac(R) infant formula urge you to use Pedialyte rather than juices, soft drinks, sports drinks or water to help restore fluid and minerals lost to diarrhea and vomiting. Curiously, I felt like I was on the verge of diarrhea and vomiting after tasting these. While lacking in taste, the entertainment is high when used in the context of the practical joke. When the joke goes stale you can amuse yourself with the fluid intake guide. Apparently, Pedialyte Freezer pops are to be used in conjunction with Pedialyte Oral Electrolyte Maintenance Solution. FYI, a one year old child weighing approximately 23 lbs needs 41-46 fluid ounces a day (each pop is 2.1 ounces). Of course, this doesn't take into account fluid in stool loss, which should be replaced with equal and extra amounts of Pedialyte. Four gut wrenching so-called "flavors."
Taste: 0
Chiquita Tropical Freezers Only two flavors? Hawaiian Sunset and Polynesian Passion. Weighing in with a record high 30% fruit juice, Chiquita brings you high end freezer pops. Although small, they pack a punch. Aside from the regular fruit juices (grape, apple, pear) used in the other fruit flavors, Chiquita includes raspberry, pineapple, orange, and banana. They taste great, but the wholesomeness comes at the cost of homogenization. They are a little pulpy which makes sense. They also have an disconcerting habit of settling in the package shortly after snipping and sipping. The taste is still good, but it gets funky towards the bottom. Not for mass consumption.
Taste: 8
Flavor Ice Icebergs Nothing more than slightly oversized Flavor Ice. Not quite "gigantic" as the box suggests. Extra size would be a plus in a better tasting brand.
Taste: 5
Pop Ice (Giant size) Truly giant size freezer pops usually found in your neighborhood Ice Cream trucks. We're talking about 2 feet long and some change. Too bland and big, but fun... once.
Taste: 5
Jolly Rancher Freezer Pops Hands down winner. Tastes exactly like the candy, with the same potency. Buyer beware! Just as with the candy, you will get sick if you eat too many. I'm not sure if they are still in production though. I first saw them three years ago and haven't seen them since. I saved some in the freezer for a year in hopes of using them for the mass taste test, but freezer burn prevailed. Everyone that ever had one was blown away. If you've seen them lately please contact us with the details. We're jonesing! Grape, watermelon, apple, and cherry, but no "fire stix" cinnamon.
Taste: 10
Wyler's Authentic Italian Ices After the Flavor Ice sorbet fiasco, I was reluctant to try these. Authentic Italian ice from the same company as Goofy Grape? Had I known that Wyler's was part of the Jel Sert family I would have been even more skeptical. I dug into the Kiwi Watermelon flavor with vigilance, but I was eventually pleasantly surprised. Wyler's Italian Ices have a bit of an acquired taste, but they area actually quite good.
Taste: 8
Wacky Ice Frozen Ice drink in an awkward wad. Essentially packaged like a pouch of chewing tobacco, these individual pieces are found in smaller corner stores. They come with a straw and a picture of an alligator enjoying two fisted Wacky Ice with his ass on a skateboard headed downhill. It's got a weird non-american vibe in the tradition of Mentos; made in Ontario by Kisko. Also comes in a longer more traditional (but still large) shape. Mostly good for novelty sake. Cream Soda and other flavors. Not very wacky.
Taste: 6
Next Page: I'm sick...
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